I can be a perfectionist, and sometimes I hate it. Why?
I thought you’d never ask. Let me share.
I won’t usually say anything unless I think it’s perfectly articulated. I won’t share my opinions unless I think it makes perfect sense. And I won’t state what I feel unless I feel it’s perfectly right to do so.
Sounds like wisdom, right? Wrong. I heard from a close mentor that sometimes fear can sound a whole lot like wisdom. Sometimes when we think we are being wise for not speaking up or saying anything, we are actually just afraid to share our voice, to look wrong, or to not seem to fit the crowd.
I think this can be unfortunate for many reasons but the main one being that we think that we have to be right first for our voice to matter. We have to have all the facts, polished and correct, before we can speak.
What is sad about that is that we are becoming a culture that is basing things off of being right as the standard versus having room to be able to share, grow, and learn. If we share something others don’t think is correct, we can get ridiculed from all sorts of angles now and all sorts of media platforms. And instead of giving that person room to grow and learn after sharing their voice, they are getting belittled before they even get done with their statement.
I can see it happening to people daily now. Whether in person, online, in church, out of church everywhere, we are grabbing our gavels and pretending we are the judge and know every intent of people’s hearts.
A famous verse is Luke 6:37 that says, “Judge not, and you shall not be judged . . .” and later, “Forgive and you will be forgiven.” I believe that that scripture is saying with the mindset that you are judging and criticizing others is the same mindset you will have on yourself. You will self-judge, self-criticize, whether you are aware of it or not. Your internal structure that you use towards others you will use towards yourself.
I get that there are two sides to this and people don’t need to share every thought they ever have. But I feel this is for those of us who are silencing our voice in fear of not having it altogether first, or fear of sharing and not fitting it.
And my hope is that can come to a stop. My hope is that it gets replaced with love and patience. And I hope we can stop making being politically correct as the standard and start valuing people and their worth again.
But I believe that starts with us: our own selves; not silencing our own voice; not shaming our own opinion; and not letting the fear and ideas of others shut us down.
Because looking like we are right or perfect isn’t the goal. Growth is the goal. Knowing my voice matters is the goal.
Will you join me in a journey of breaking perfectionism? Will you join me in a journey of knowing our voice matters?
By Brandy Hassis